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I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It or How This Gal Plays The Game

“Would you still sleep with him if you knew he’d never call you again?” That was the question on my new roommate’s mind the morning after her housewarming party the night before. Despite the sting of her enquiry and that she was so quick to put me in my place, it didn’t quite come as a surprise to me that she’d popped that particular question. You see, the night before I’d found myself in a lip-lock with her rather charming stand-up comic-slash-actor-slash-electrician friend and she was concerned that I might have fallen for the funny guy and that perhaps I might think that I’m special to him.

Wow. If I hadn’t sized him up the moment he walked in the door I might have been hurt by what I’m sure she thought was a helpful hint. What she didn’t know is that I knew the second I’d seen him that he and I would be having some alone time later. I just had to play my cards right.

I learned quite quickly that he’d previously been an electrical engineer who happened to work with robots. So, a bit of a geek, then. I also learned that he’s a stand-up comic/actor. So, a bit of a show-off, then. The result of this combination is a late-blooming, yet attractive, charismatic man who’s eager for attention, praise and approval and all the while he’s humble in his pursuit. Putty in my hands!

Winning over this kind of man is as easy as winning over this kind of woman – The Game. Show him just enough attention that he’d think I could be interested then address his personal attributes in a backhanded way (ie You’re alright. You’re not the least attractive/funny/entertaining guy in the place). I think that’s actually what won him over. I simply didn’t swoon all over him. And in turn he was charming in his efforts to welcome me into their group. He was humble when his friends felt the need to share his filmography, he was sweet-funny not stand-up funny and it was very clear to me that flattering women isn’t something he struggles with.

In fact, before the lip-lock I’d watched him make his rounds sweet-talking several of the other lovely ladies at the party, then circling back to me and occasionally following me from room to room. I knew he wasn’t just interested in me, he was interested in any of the women in the room he hadn’t yet shagged. Since I definitely did (and still do) fall into that category and well, he wasn’t the least attractive/funny/entertaining single guy in the room, I didn’t really mind the attention.

So, when we stepped out onto the back patio, I knew what we were there for. We talked, we kissed and went back inside to the party. When it came time for the awkward goodnight, I took a beat in the basement and let him and is homies head home without a word. There was no need to make it more than it was. I didn’t and don’t need to know if he’s all that into me cause frankly, I just wasn’t that into him. I’d had a few hours of fun and that’s all I was after.

Here’s to a few more minutes of fun with some other hot TO totties!

The Curse of Curves

I had a conversation with my aunt today about a boy I knew in high school. She said something that really struck a nerve and I have to get it off my chest.
Curvy WomanWe’d had a somewhat special relationship and I was filling her in. She was curious about why we’d never dated and she asked me how I thought he felt about my weight. It never seemed to be an issue. Then she said the one thing I always fear when it comes to guys I care about:

“Well, he would care if you were dating. It doesn’t matter how big you are when you’re friends but when you’re dating it always matters,” she said.

Ouch. Straight to the jugular. I sat in stunned silence thinking about what she’d just said. It’s quite possibly my biggest insecurity knowing that there’s plenty of potential partners in my world who fancy the pants of me but wish I was a more socially acceptable size…the Curse of Curves I call it.

See, this friend and I were great friends when we were young, quite close and spent a whole lot of time together. We’d go to parties and sporting events and hang out on school nights ‘watching movies’. We were pretty great at ‘watching movies’ together and frequently did so until he moved away. We never officially dated and our real relationship wasn’t public. (Although I was the victim of the odd cougar joke since we spent so much time together at school.)

At the time, I would have said the secrecy was down to the fact that I was a senior and he was a freshman and I didn’t want anyone to know I was a cradle robber. He was my ‘fun friend’ and it was just between us.

But, I’m not entirely sure he would have wanted many people to know either. I mean, I wasn’t special, he had movie nights with other girls (and I hasten to add that it certainly never seemed to bother him what size any of his other girls were). I knew about them and it never bothered me. I had other ‘movie nights’ myself. So, I never drew any boundaries or put any pressure on him for anything other than fun. Neither did he. We were young. We never even talked about it.

I’d like to say that if I’d wanted more I would have asked for it but sadly, that’s not entirely true. I’d recently been burned by a boyfriend that seemed to be ashamed to date me in public so I really would never have pushed it if I’d thought it meant I wouldn’t get to spend time with him anymore. But I also had an issue with his age that I couldn’t get over. Then he moved away. Thinking about it now, I know our relationship was never any more or less than either of us wanted but that doesn’t mean it was all that healthy.

I still see him occasionally. We’re still great friends and I feel safe and happy when we’re together. I wish I had the courage to talk to him about it but since he’d never intentionally hurt me, I couldn’t be sure he’d tell me the truth anyway.

So, the curse remains intact. For now…

Eat & Run

I met a boy this weekend. Yep, you heard right. I met a real live boy! (I’ll pause while you lean in closer to the screen.)Actually, I met an enormous (6 ft 4, 350lb) beast of a man that was hungry for a piece of me! (…and in more ways than one!) But don’t get too excited because although he seemed nice enough, sadly he won’t be visiting fair Croft HQ anytime soon.

It all started when he snatched a camera out of my hand, kissed me and pushed me into the picture. This was a bit of a shock but not entirely unusual behaviour for boys from The Swan. Then, he tried to buy me a drink (they didn’t have what I wanted), then he tried to talk to me (he ripped my hair out trying to get to my ear), and then he danced with me (this new fangled dance requiring little-to-no movement). But I figured that’s okay, when I could hear what he was saying he wasn’t too bad. That was until he tried to eat me!

Seriously, right there in the middle of the dancefloor he tried to eat my face! I thought I was going to need a complete run of cosmetic surgery to repair the mangled state of my mouth. This guy made a full on midnight snack out of me! He literally chewed my lips and I’m pretty sure he took a chunk out of my shoulder. So, what happened next? I ran. Fast.

Perhaps it was my chocolate scented perfume that made a taste of your’s truly seem

so difficult to resist (or perhaps not). But whatever it was, as you can plainly see I’m hardly quick snack for anybody!

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